Have you ever lost passion for your passion?
Sounds crazy huh? How exactly does that happen? I mean the very definition of passion is “an intense desire or enthusiasm for something” or “a thing arousing enthusiasm” denotes, it’s the thing that should make you the most happy, right?
I don’t know if I’m having a midlife crisis and just saying that totally ages me, or if it’s just time to find a new “passion”. This conjures up so many questions in my head. Maybe I’m not living my truth. Maybe what I’ve always “perceived” as a passion was in reality, just a hobby. A hobby that I forced into the role of my passion. The square peg in my life being forced into a round hole. The hobby I catapulted into a career. My 20 plus years as a Chef.
My culinary life began in the early 90’s. Pre Top Chef, pre Food TV, pre Internet recipe sites. I became obsessed with the PBS series “Great Chefs”. I watched them every chance I got. “Yan can Cook”, “The Frugal Gourmet”, the great Julia Child and Jacques Pepin. So in 1994 I decided I wanted to pursue a career as a “Great Chef”. With no prior experience, no plan, I just jumped in, head first. And I LOVED it. The knowledge, the speed, the smells, the sounds, the way I looked in Chef whites. Everything was new and exciting. Now almost 22 years after graduating, I find myself yearning for that LOVE. The knowledge, the speed, the smells, the sounds, although I hate wearing Chef whites.
I’ve taken many roads in my culinary career. I’ve gone from Prep cook, Pastry cook, Grill Cook, Assistant Pasty Chef, Sous Chef, Caterer, Culinary Instructor, Food Service Manager, Kitchen Manager, to Executive Chef. Now, today, after being downsized out of my last position, I hit a wall. What happened to the glamorous life I was supposed to be living? Creating fancy pants dishes in a swanky Westside hot spot. 20 years, and I’m not there. Far from there. I began questioning why I became a Chef.
Chef: noun \’shef\ A person who prepares food for people to eat
Simple definition right. But so much more. We have glamorized what being a Chef is so much that I, as a professionally trained and educated “Chef”, have a hard time living up to the expectations of what it means, for me. When my husband introduces me and tell people I am a Chef, their eyes light up, as if they were just introduced to Taylor Swift or given a new I Phone or something. For me that same moment causes anxiety, because I haven’t written 12 cookbooks, or owned a restaurant, and I don’t have a hit show on the Food Network. Facing their uncomfortableness (is that a word?) when they hear where being a Chef has lead me is, well uncomfortable.
So why the blog, whats this all about?
Why? Because I love what I do. It’s not just a hobby. I love being a person who prepares food for people to eat. I love entertaining, eating, drinking with family and friends. The instant gratification I get when I create something so good it makes people say “OH my Gosh, that is delicious”. It makes all the work and sometimes trouble worth it.
I am a Chef to my core.
This blog will serve as sort of therapy for me. An exercise in redeeming myself. Redefining my Passion.
My short stint as an Assistant Pastry Chef was something that truly excited me. But I chose to take a different path. Now I want to play with the idea of Baking and Pastry again and mix it with my newest hobby Photography, specifically Food Photography. My husband Eric, who is a very talented Photographer and Creative himself will guide me as I learn this new art. And our dog Kam will serve as my Sous Chef and vacuum for all things dropped in the kitchen.
So join me in my journey through the trials and tests of flours, butter, sugars and eggs, as I zest, mix, Sift and Fold my way back to Passion.
*DISCLAIMER* Please note I am not a professional writer or editor. I write from my heart and my head so expect errors, grammatically, spelling and otherwise.
Thank you for stopping in
I always welcome your comments